THE BABY EATERS
Sal Tenser, Chief of the New Vice Squad, gets a message from a gynecologist who has done some work for the Squad. The doctor’s name is ARCH BLENDER.
BLENDER: Sal? I got something I need you to see.
TENSER: Whatsa matter? You need police help with one of your patients? She’s so hot for the rubber glove you need protection?
BLENDER: I think it’s something for you, Sal. For the Squad.
Sal arrives at Blender’s office. We are surprised to see how old Blender is. He’s at least seventy. Tenser, of course, is not surprised. It’s obvious he enjoys the old man.
TENSER: When you gonna retire? Can’t stay away from the girls, is that it?
BLENDER: When you retire, you die. I wouldn’t be surprised to see you still slapping people around when you’re my age.
TENSER: (GUFFAWS) I hope I am. I hope I am. Whattya got here?
BLENDER: A patient. Gwendolyn’s her name. When you see her, you’ll know.
Blender takes TENSER into the examining room. There, sitting primly on the table, is a very pregnant woman in a hospital gown. TENSER’s jaw drops. Not because she’s pregnant, of course, but because she’s as old as Blender – ie, seventy. Her hair is gray and thinning, almost balding, she shakes, she’s really seventy.
TENSER: (RECOVERING) Hi, Granma. Got knocked up, huh?
(TENSER is not noted for the smoothness of his bedside manner.)
GWEN: Who’s this foul-mouthed hooligan? I thought you wanted to bring in a consultant?